Suprise Me
by Beth6787
Summary: Set immediately post 'Unimatrix Zero'. Chakotay decides to help Kathryn regain herself...


Beth6787

28 December y

"Surprise Me"

Set immediately post 'Unimatrix Zero'. Chakotay decides to help Kathryn regain herself...

Chakotay took a final look around Kathryn's quarters. All was set for her return from sickbay. He hoped that she would excuse the invasion of privacy, just this once. "Surprise me." Those were her exact words just before she stood to leave the Bridge with Tuvok for ...well he didn't want to dwell on what had happened next. Never mind about surprising her : she had certainly done that for him. Not only had she looked intently at him but she had actually reached for his hand, in front of the entire Bridge crew, and when he had taken it she had been in no hurry to pull away. In fact, she focussed entirely on him, almost as though they were in the Ready Room or her quarters. She had chosen them over protocol : for all to witness. His eyes had been riveted on her until the turbolift doors closed. They both knew the odds that all would go to plan were, slight, to say the least. More like infinitesimally small as far as he was concerned. The anti-assimilation concoction that the Doctor had conjure up? The Borg would inevitably adapt. Probably well before the three of them had made their escape. Even if there were transported out before the worst could happen - would he truly get Kathryn back, with no mental scars? He hoped THIS would help in some small way. Act as a spiritual guide, prompting her memories of Kathryn...

Chakotay shook himself out of his reverie. She was due to be discharged from sickbay any minute and he had intruded on her private domain for long enough. He needed to be well away from here when she walked through those doors. He headed for his office and a stack of PADDs that had had little more than a cursory perusal for the last nineteen hours. ...

Kathryn straightened her uniform as best she could. It was almost impossible to lift her arms fully or to twist much at waist level. Most of the Borg technology had been removed from her body, barring some radial spinal clamps which would have to wait for another day. The Doctor had done his usual proficient job of disguising any signs of external damage. There were no scars, externally visible at least. On the inside, both literally and psychologically, there were many that would take a long time to heal. Oh it had been worth it, of that she was absolutely sure. The mission had been a success and those drones with the right genetic variables had been able to retain their individuality. On a personal level, she got to experience just a tiny bit of what Seven had endured for over twenty years. The Doctor's neural suppressant had held out, just, for her and B'Elanna, although poor Tuvok had been overcome. She knew that would have to hurt his psyche. That a Vulcan could not withstand their influence when two humans - somehow - had. No doubt he would be spending most of his recouperation time enduring extensive meditation rituals. She had heard their insidious siren call in her mind. At first a cacophony of noise, then the voices seemed to separate and clarify. Oh they all chanted the same monologue but the individual voices - she could differentiate several species from the inflections - became almost...beguiling. That was the right word for it. Eventually, your individual will was eroded. The physical pain of the assimilation process was directly proportional to your level of resistance. As your will died so did the intense neural stimulation. Comply and all would be well again. Oh the temptation was strong. Under normal circumstances there would be no hope of rescue. The end result was inevitable so why prolong the suffering. Most ceased any attempt at mental resistance within a couple of minutes at most. If she appeared to resist for too long it would draw attention to her and the others. So she had let the voices sweep into her subconscious, trying to accept them as purely background noise, that of a crowded room full of rowdy party guests perhaps. It had become more difficult as the mission progressed. Especially once she became aware that Tuvok's voice was joining the throng. Somehow, they had succeeded and Voyager had only just pulled them out in the nick of time. A few more seconds...well it didn't bear thinking about!

She looked in the mirror the Doctor had supplied in her changing cubicle. Was it really her staring back? She looked dreadful, gaunt and pale with a sickly, greenish pallor. Hardly surprising, but her eyes unnerved her. They seemed...distant...cold...not quite human...

She longed for the familiar, to be surrounded by Kathryn - as much as was possible on this ship - mostly just to get away from technology, medical devices, holograms the Doctor and everything that sickbay represented.

She emerged from the cubicle to see that B'Elanna had already been discharged. Apparently Tuvok had been ordered to remain overnight for observation from what she could glean of the conversation the other end of the room. She caught Tuvok's eye and he understood her meaning. As he laid back down on the biobed in a meditative pose the Doctor spotted her and ran over. "Are you ready for your site to site transport Captain? I am, of course, available to accompany you and make sure you are comfortably settled into your quarters before I return here. Mr. Paris can more than ably cover in my absence."

She smiled gratefully at him for his kindness and placed her left arm (with difficulty) on his shoulder. "Thank you Doctor but that won't be necessary. I intend to take the turbolift to my deck and then it is only a short walk. I will be fine." He opened his holographic mouth to protest but she had anticipated him "I have my Comm and can immediately transport back here should I need any help. And I will..."she looked intently at him "should I need to. And I know that your program will remain fully activated whilst Commander Tuvok remains here under your exemplary care."

The Doctor understood. She needed to do this. Sometime to readjust, and walking the decks of Voyager, as opposed to that Borg cube, would help her mentally, even if it was perhaps an unwise toll on her battered body just now. Six years ago he would have quoted the medical rule book at her. Now perhaps he had become human enough to know when to keep his own counsel. He smiled and stood aside as she limped, gradually more steadily, towards the sick bay doors. "Captain, I thought you may wish to know that it is 0320 hours." She half turned as she reached the door, one hand holding her steady on the frame, and gave him a weak smile. So it would be fine to take the shorter route, along the main corridor past Engineering, as there would only be a skeleton crew about and she was unlikely to be seen. She appreciated the timing which she knew was no fluke of circumstance.

The going was slow and she had to stop several times to catch her breath and steady herself. So far, she had been lucky and not met a soul. She propped herself up against the viewport sill and watched the alien stars streaking by. They were travelling at high warp so those nearest to her were the usual blur but the background constellations remained resolutely alien. She knew, that even if they maintained this velocity, it would be several weeks before there was any noticeable change in their conformation. In the grand scheme of things, warp speed was but a snail's pace. She wondered for the thousandth time whether she was leading them all on a fool's errand. She had beaten the odds again, just. But it had been a close call. Far too close. Another few seconds and they may all have been standing in alcoves 'looking' at the stars through their ocular implants. What price getting home? What did that even mean anymore? She remembered sitting on the Bridge, a long time ago, and Chakotay saying to her that his father's people had a saying. That home was wherever you happened to be. He had meant to be comforting at the time but she had not been convinced. Could they all really come to believe that home was no more than gravity plating, recycled air, water, hell everything (!)...

Pull yourself together Captain, she admonished herself. Just a few more meters and you'll be there. As soon as you reach your quarters, grab a strong coffee and a decent book you'll be fine. Those quarters are the closest thing to home you have for the foreseeable future, deal with it.

Ten minutes later she had made it to the entrance without encountering a soul. She was profoundly relieved. Just key in the entry code and coffee awaits. She checked her chronometer. Just over four hours until the Doctor was due to make his first house call. Just time to unwind a little...she stepped inside and keyed the door lock. As she went to steady herself on the back of the sofa she glanced up and froze. Her living space had been transformed. All around was vegetation. Numerous pot plants with various of Tuvok's orchids. Several tall leafy shrubs in floor pots. One she recognised as tasting little better than Leola root but here, alive and growing, it smelt faintly of coriander. Just enough to mask the slightly stale smell of the recycled air they all had to routinely breath. As she stepped further into the room she noticed several grab rails, strategically placed near the replicator, sofa, armchairs and also in the bathroom and bedroom doorways. All made of various woods and carved in the shape of animals. There was one in the shape of a Kingfisher holding a trout just to the right of the replicator. Another in the form of a lizard balancing a tray on it's back, complete with an indentation to secure her coffee mug. She stepped over to the bathroom and her eyes began to well. There sitting on the side of the bath was a monkey with one hand balancing a soap dish and the other outstretched. Presumably to drape the towel over or to grab for support as she stepped into or out of the bath tub. She turned and hobbled over to the bedroom. There was a new headboard with a fold out table and a book stand.

Then she noticed an envelope perched on the edge of the stand. She sat gingerly on the bed and opened it.

"My dearest Kathryn, you asked me to surprise you. I hope that I have. At the right time and in the right way. You have spent so much of the past six years sacrificing yourself in order for others to find themselves. Not just Seven, but all of us in different ways. B'Elanna when she lost herself after the Maquis massacre, Kes as she underwent her transformation, Tom as he strove to regain some self respect, and myself. You gave me a reason to strive out here, against all the odds : day after day. We all take strength and inspiration from Captain Janeway. But now, and for the next four days, it is Kathryn who needs to heal. To find her way home, to herself. I hope that THIS goes a little way towards creating that for her. Yours, always. Chakotay."

She stood and walked over to the doorway, surveying her living space here in the Delta Quadrant. Then it dawned on her and she smiled her crooked smile. No Chakotay, you didn't. I'm not surprised at all. And she was immensely glad of it.

THE END

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